Dear Dr. Jim,
My manager can be hypocritical. What can I do to hold them accountable?
This is a difficult issue. There are a couple of things going on.
I’m going to assume that what you mean is that your manager doesn’t follow through and do what they say they’re going to do, or they ask you to do things and they don’t model it. This could be a big issue because a lot of managers are very busy—they get overloaded and then they just don’t follow through on things.
Another reason may be that this manager is not very competent in what they do. But the question that you have that is most poignant is: how do I hold them accountable?
Simply, you can’t! What you want to do is engage with them in a way that they can help you get what you need.
So one of the things I recommend is that you put it in the form of: “I need some help…” You may be very clear about what you need to do, but you’re asking for help and opening up the possibility that your manager is going to respond in a helpful way.
Another way of opening up is to say: “I’m really stuck and I’m not sure what to do based on what I heard your instructions for this to be”. It’s your responsibility, and I know this is very hard, but it’s your responsibility to stay as focused as you can, to stay specific about what you need, and what you want.
This is a very difficult situation. Keep at it. And, if it’s not working, then you might want to talk to a colleague or another manager. Be proactive.
In emotional intelligence, it’s called leader assertiveness and it’s really important for us to be assertive (not aggressive) in terms of getting what we want.
I hope that’s helpful.
Thank you for the question—that’s a great one!
– Dr. Jim
*names have been changed